.png)
Finding Your Lean: Navigating Family Time & Healing This Holiday Season
- Jen Murphy, LPC
- Dec 17, 2025
- 3 min read
In family life, it’s easy to become overwhelmed by daily challenges or the holidays that, for many, “forcefully encourage” the physical proximity of togetherness. Suddenly, the house feels smaller, the conversations louder, and the emotional bandwidth is thinner. Many things make it difficult to see the bigger picture, and sometimes we need a little distance to truly understand what’s happening within our family dynamics. This distance can provide a clearer view, allowing us to assess relationships and situations with fresh eyes (and maybe a quiet room with a door that locks).
However, there are also times when leaning in brings perspective, like when someone pauses long enough to ask, “You good?” instead of, “Where’s the extra folding table?”
The concept of leaning in or leaning out serves as an essential tool in family healing and nurturing relationships, particularly when we are aware of our intentions and the potential outcomes. When we pull too far back from family challenges or individual family members, we can lose the perspective needed to see things clearly. We may overlook crucial details about our loved ones, their feelings, their needs and fail to appreciate the subtle nuances that shape our interactions.
However, if we lean too far in without taking a step back, we can become overwhelmed by conflicts and emotions, which may obscure our goals of connection and harmony.
Many of us have developed coping skills shaped by our childhood experiences and familial origins, influencing whether we tend to lean in or lean out in relationships. Often, we lean out for self-preservation, seeking to avoid discomfort or conflict. On the other hand, we may lean in out of a desire to overcompensate, trying to keep the peace.
The key is not merely to find balance but to cultivate awareness of our leaning tendencies. We must regularly ask ourselves, “What is my intention in this interaction?” and “What is motivating my approach?” and “How can I lean in while still honoring my feelings and myself?” It’s important that we strive to lean into our relationships in healthier ways, acknowledging our vulnerabilities while nurturing open communication and emotional transparency.
By enhancing our awareness and developing mindful engagement, we can create a more supportive family environment that promotes understanding and connection. We can empower our families to develop the skills necessary to navigate relationships and to know when to lean in for deeper connection and understanding, and when to lean out to gain perspective and clarity.
Tips as you lean into your family dynamics
Start to identify your leaning tendencies: Reflect on your motivations, ask what you’re trying to protect, avoid, or achieve. Try to approach relationships and interactions with awareness rather than automatic coping patterns.
How to lean out with intention: Step back with intention to gain perspective and clarity so you can better understand emotions, needs, and patterns within your family dynamics and relationships.
How to lean in without losing yourself: Consider allowing space for communication and connection by simply engaging in whatever way feels comfortable to you
Knowing when to lean in and when to lean out gives you confidence in every family interaction, turning family time into an opportunity for connection that serves you and equips you to navigate dynamics with grace, clarity, and care.
Are you ready to elevate your family dynamics? Join me in strengthening your bonds and cultivating a thriving family dynamic. With Altitude Family Therapy, you’re not just seeking solutions; you’re aiming for lasting transformation!
